It's Time To Clean House Again

To my future family: I have decided that I don't want you to live in my past. I don't want you to be clothed in my disbelief of God's provision for us. I don't want to cram you into the mold that I made for you in my younger days. We, as a family, will be ourselves, together.

You may be asking yourself, "what is this woman lady talking about?" If you know me in real life you know what I am talking about. I have an entire storage unit of "stuff" that I saved for "my family". Some items were bought with the intentions of giving them to my future family and some were mine and I decided to save for when I needed "more stuff". Kind of like a "just add humans" scenario.

About a year ago I started clearing out my own stuff, shoes, shirts, skirts, pants, hats, and purses. You know all the stuff I "needed" so badly. Here were my three major wake-up calls:

1. My step-mom told that she heard that if you buy one thing you should get rid of two. I told her that plan would be great if I wanted less stuff but I don't. I. want. more. The words didn't hit me that day but they did later.

2. One day my aunt asked me "when is it (my amount of stuff) going to be enough?" I couldn't answer her that day. Then one day (much later), I called her back with an answer. That was when I realized that it "now" was the point that it was enough. That is where the battle actually began.

3. The most shocking of all three was when my childhood friend told me that he doesn't allow his children to state that they love an item. They love their family and people but not stuff. At first, I thought it was a bit over the top. Then I started to think it was "stupid". I have learned that when my brain starts using that word that is going to be the next issue up to bat in the game of "becoming more like my Savior". (This is not actually a game but a life goal. But, game sounds easier, right?) Anyways, the point of no return for me was the day my mouth said, before it got clearance from my brain, "that is so stupid because I do love stuff." I my knees buckled and my tears beat me to the floor because I heard my own words: "I. DO. LOVE. STUFF! That's my freaking problem."

Ok, so with a prayerful attitude I have majorly cleaned out my crap 5 times and I still have a plush amount of stuff. And sometimes I miss stuff. I never said I have finished this battle, I just invited you to the middle of it. Anyways, storage aside, I believe I have a decent amount of stuff now. Several friends have confirmed my progress so I was feeling pret-ty gooooood. (That is another thing to beware of.)

Since we are new friends I have to tell you a bit more background to the story. My whole life I have had bazillions of dreams where I was "getting ready, getting ready, getting ready" and never getting to go to my date, prom, wedding, whatever because I could not decide what to wear. If you know me you know I believe God speaks to me through dreams. If you don't know me now you do a tiny bit more. Back to business, those dreams had gone away for about 2 years. I believed it was because I had overcome the problem. Bingo, sounds good, let's move on, right? Wrong. This week I had not one, but two of these dreams in. the. same. night. This is one of those times when I wake up and say "Oh, Hell no". And I am literally telling Hell and it's cohorts, "No, you're done here." By the way, I do not say "Hell yes" or "Hells yeah". I only tell Hell no!

So during the week I'm trying to figure out how to defeat my enemy of materialism. In regular Shala fashion, I am seeking to hear what God is telling me and also seeking "multitude of counsel" aka friends, because that's wise, right? So, as my friend and I are trying to figure out how to break this stronghold it occurs to me that I have an entire household of stuff just waiting for a family. Then it occurs to me that I cannot put my husband into these dreams that I have been planning for us and expect him to "love it".

If these dreams worked they would already be working. But they are not, they are broken and they are not ours. They are my broken dreams: "Here love, come live in my broken dreams with me. Abide with the stuff that I chose for us in my valleys and pity parties. Some of the stuff was chosen for "us" when I was picturing a different "us". Yeah, that's healthy.

So long story short... ok, it's way too late for that: It's time to clean house again.

Quote of the Day: 7.5.11

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalms 37:4

Really?

Within the past week God has shown me 4 majorly sobering realities. The first was the destiny of my future child. He began showing me things after a very important intercession session on May 22. Me? Birth a child? I am REALLY hearing my child’s destiny before he is born? WHAT??? In the words of Marty McFly: “Whoa, Doc, this is heavy”.

Another reality concerned the magnitude of the importance of choosing my husband. It’s not just finding a cutie patootie that would be super nice to me and a great dad for our kids. He REALLY has to be the right father for my children. He will also be the LEADER for our whole family. I can’t do any of the dad jobs, I can only do the mom jobs. That child won’t be THAT child unless he is THAT man. Kind of big, right.

Then only a few short days later the third reality hit me: The pastor of my church won’t live on Earth forever. He will move on to his new life in Heaven with God, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and all the believers before us. Sounds great, right? Ok, come back to this planet with me now. ONE OF US WILL BE THE LEADER!!! REALLY??? Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends but WOAH!!! I assume our pastor’s son will be the next pastor but that’s a lot of responsibility for our generation as a whole too. I know this might not make sense but just follow me. I didn’t have the “luxury” of knowing all my pastor’s flaws before he started the church. However, I DO KNOW the dirt on my friends and I am CERTIANLY aware of the TOTAL depravity of my own life. I have thought about us as being leaders before but I had not actually pictured it WITHOUT SAM. What??? Can this even happen? Yes, absolutely. Sam is not our Jesus. Jesus has been appointing and anointing leaders for centuries now but this is US. WHAT??? In an undisclosed about of time from now my generation will be the leaders. WE ARE THE NEW US. Life just got REAL serious REAL fast.

The last event and by far the biggest perception altering news in my life took place the next day. I received a call from my mom that something had happened to my brother. She reported that he was ok but the reality of the severity of the situation was almost unreal to me. The night before this experience I woke up in the middle of the night with a horrible feeling about my brother. I don’t remember the dream that caused it but I remember praying a short prayer that any and all curses and evil plots concerning my brother would be broken in the name of Jesus. Picturing shrapnel being removed from my baby brother’s body makes God’s divine protection REAL to me. God is amazing.




After I text my pastor to tell Him I received, via text, the most powerful confirmation of my life. It was one of those moments that you know you will never be the same again. God is POWERFUL but He needs ABSOLUTELY ALL OF US! My mind started blowing up about all the things that seemed huge the day before but now seemed absolutely pointless. My hands are shaking as I type this. God’s power is REAL. I know I keep using that word but it is just SO REAL to me now. I began praying further about all the dreams I have had in the past few weeks. I even called some of the people I have been dreaming about to tell them the dreams. I believe more than ever that God is giving me these dreams because He is wanting the powers and plans of Hell to be broken on this Earth. I can see the similarities in young David’s destiny and my generation’s destiny. I want to be used at maximum capacity so God’s Kingdom can be known. But in my situation I am both David and the on-lookers. I am like the on-lookers in the sense that I look at myself and say, “Her??? REALLY???” Sometimes I think, “I am the worst candidate to be a vessel to fulfill God’s plan’s.” But if I can be used, I want to be used more than anything. Which brings be to the similarity between David and me; I know I am inadequate but SOMEBODY has to do this. And I can attest that regardless if I fail or succeed I will keep showing up for the job. If grad school taught me nothing else, it taught me that thousands (of grade points) may fall at my side me but nothing can get in the way of me and God getting what He wants. Nothing.

There is only one thing left to say: “Let’s finish this thing.”

Prayers For Lucy

Dear Fellow Believers,
Please join in the agreement that this sweet little girl will be healed in the name of Jesus. May our Father, our Healer, touch her with His healing power right now and my her test tomorrow be a report of this healing from Jehovah-rophe.

"God is Jehovah-rophe. This name means 'Jehovah heals.' God alone has the remedy for the healing of mankind. The Gospel is concerned with the physical, moral, and spiritual healing of all people. Exodus 15:22-26" per The Navigators

Start From The Start

The best way I know to get where you want to go is to really assess your starting point. Today, as I was reading a book about Agape love I began to assess my reality in comparison with the Word of God. The results were to be desired but the prognoses is promising.(smiles)

1 Corinthians 3:4-7:
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, it does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

My reality compared to 1 Corinthians 3:4-7:
I am rarely patient, I am sometimes kind, and jealous quite often. I brag even when I when I am only half-way successful and I am completely arrogant when I am fully successful. I often act unbecomingly. I almost always seek my own. I allow myself to be provoked. I have a bank account of others wrong doings; with a pretty high interest rate. I rarely rejoice in unrighteousness and I do love the truth but I don’t bear many things. I believe some things but doubt the others. I will hope for things for a while but then lose hope. Then I will try to hope again. This cycle is exhausting. I endure at a moderate level.

My Swap Meeting

I had a pretty interesting Easter this year. I didn’t get to go to church in the morning because my mother and I were flying home from Georgia. On the plane I began crying and did not finish until the duration of the trip, both flights. I pulled a tank top out of my carry on and used it to wipe my tears. I tried tissues but my need surpassed their performance ability. As I was coming to the realization of my complete and total depravity a portion of a song titled Trading My Sorrows, sang by Darrel Evans, keeps replaying in my head.

“I'm trading my sorrow.
I'm trading my shame.
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord.”

I have hit an impasse in my life. There is one area that I have done all I can do. I have even tried to “fake it ‘till [I] make it”. After so long, you just have to conclude that you are just faking. So, as this verse keeps replaying in my head I began to correlate the similarities in my current personal life inventory and the components of the transaction in the song. It looks to me that I am a superb candidate for this offer. I have an abundance of sorrow from my own shortcomings and my accounts of shame are of tremendous proportions.
By the grace of God we land on time. (It had been thundering and lightening the majority of the day in OKC.) I told God I WAS getting to night service and we were going to do some swapping. I was running a bit already and then my car battery died. I laughed: No dead electronic is going to stop me. I figured that it would still be dead in three hours, so off I go in my mom’s tricked out ride. Upon arrival I greeted a friend, set my belonging in the back, and made a bee line to the front. The way I saw it I had a business transaction to conduct. If my Father wanted these things HE COULD HAVE THEM! They are just poisoning mine. Similar to AIDS, they are not killing me themselves but they were monopolizing all my resources and energy. They leave me with no room to endure ANYTHING else as evidenced incidences like snapping at my mom for not getting a good photo of me on the bungee jump thing when she AND another person got great photos of my brother. It sounds silly when I type it but this is my reality. I can not even handle small things like this.
So I stood there and cried again. I kept asking God, “What can you take? What can I give you?” He was faithful to show my a few scenes rather quickly. It is my belief that He would like these things gone just as much as I do. I was more than happy to hand these circumstances over because I had glanced at them in my heart before and I have never seen anything so disgusting before in my life, either in the natural or my mind. NEVER.
Praise God for the Easter Miracle and looking forward to the joy of the Lord in my life.

Rewind: 8.22.10

Almost 8 months ago I started driving home to go to church in Shawnee. Here are some quotes from "my homecoming service" on 8.22.11. It really set the tone for the next season in my life.

“We have to live with thankful hearts. Just make a commitment, a covenant with God today, ‘I will not go through a day not being thankful.’”

“Thankful people are active people.”

“Thankful people are people who want to bless others.”

“Every person has an inheritance.”

-Daniel Matthews
.CLICK HEREto find this amazing message in it's entirety.

Quote(s) of the Day: 3.28.11

Today has been one of those days where you look at circumstances in your life and say' "enough is ENOUGH!" For me, this feeling has been a long time coming. It "came to point" last night in my dreams. In the dream I was supervising children at my old high school. I told the children to go get on a large mat. One of the "tweenage" goth girls told me no. I was angry that she disobeyed but I thought, "well, she's not bothering anything so I decided to just leave her there and go help the other kids. As soon as I woke up I knew this dream had spiritual signifigance. Her black-lipped smirk was repulsive. I knew it was time to really press harder into God to remove some of the things that are blocking my destiny. It is time to really clean the sin out of my life even if it isn't seemingly hurting anything right now. It has to go so that the love of Christ can come and take it's place. Then a fight rose up inside of me to quit hoping and waiting that certain situations would line up with God's will for my life. I have decided that I am going to take back those parts of my life so that I can present them to God as gifts for Him to use as He needs. As I was formulating a plan to do this a song popped in my head: Don't Rain On My Parade from the Broadway musical Funny Girl. So, I decided I would share a few qoutes from the lyrics with you. I hope they lifts your spirits as much as they did mine.

"Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter. Life's candy and the Sun's of ball of butter. Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade!"

"Don't tell me not to fly-- I've simply got to. If someone takes a spill, it's me and not you. Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade?"

"Nobody, no, nobody is gonna rain on my parade!"

Best Song Ever!

I know that people, including myself, always say: "This is the best [blank] ever". I have had 340* best days ever. There have been 879* moments that I have told my best friend, "That is the funniest thing I have ever heard you say". I have declared that 121* foods and 743* candies were my "favorite". But I believe that this song Pressing On by Relient K is the best song ever. No matter how old I get or where I go in life this song speaks to my spirit. My favorite lyrics are everchanging. God has used this song 508* different ways to speak to me. In both good and bad times it gives my mind the realignment it needs. It reminds me that things come and go and that life has highs and lows but at the end of the day it's God that is walking with me. It's message is timeless: Just keep "Pressing On".



*Actual numerical values may vary.

So You're Telling Me There's a Chance

I am a "hope-er". Cancel that, I am an "expect-er". I expect that if there is a job or opportunity can happen to only one person that it might as well be me. I know that this is a very unique way of looking at things. It doesn't make sense statistically but luckily I never did well in math anyways. Think about it. Moses was one guy. God didn't hold a "captives release-er try-out". There was no "Hebrew Idol" for him to showcase his water parting skills. Nope, just one guy, one Holy plan. Abraham, Mary, David, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Hannah, Daniel, Isaiah... the list goes on and on: One person, one Holy plan. Just in case you aren't encouraged yet let's look at Saul/Paul. He was SUPER BAD when he was chosen by God. But God asked, he said yes and his life has been an example of God's EXTREME transforming power for generations.
It really doesn't matter what subject in my life is in question I figure that if God wants me to have something I'll get it. More importantly, if God wants me to do something He will supply me with the tools for us(me and Him) to complete it. There have been many times in my life in which my situations happened like that, "BOOM!" something just fell into my life. I didn't earn it or even deserve it but it just so happened that God knew I would do what He wanted done with it.
I am in a time of transformation in my life It all started with a desperate need for a Fresh Start. I wanted to clear the sin out of my life so that He could dwell with me again. Getting sin and it's "employees" out of my life has been a bit of a challenge but fortunately God can hear my desperate little voice even in the holes I have dug for myself. I am so thankful that He showed up even when the only words I could think to pray were, "GET IN HERE".
The main point here is, "God has a plan for EVERYONE. Even if the chances look slim. I expect to be used by God not because I am super awesome but because He is super awesome.


"What are my chances?"
"Not good."
"You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?"
"I'd say more like one out of a million."
"So you're telling me there's a chance... *YEAH!*"
-Dumb and Dumber

It's High Time We Celebrate

Most single women hate Valentine’s Day. They seem to feel left out or cheated somehow. Not this one, no way. Valentine’s Day is my favorite official holiday. It is only second to July 22, my birthday, which is not an official holiday, YET! (We don’t know what my life holds so never say never.) This girly hears single ladies crying and whining about not having a date or not getting flowers on this day. I look at this day and say this is the commercial holiday to celebrate the most AMAZING concept that has ever been invented. I say take my money, give me your overpriced pink and red trinkets and let’s party.

Starting off I have already received two Valentine’s this year. The first was a handmade card from Sara, she made her debut in my blog a few posts ago. The second was a Valentine’s package from my dad. This is the first Valentine that I recall receiving from my dad so I am very blessed by that. I also got an official invitation from my grandmother to be her Valentine this year, which I accepted.


As if those things were not enough let me share with you other acts of love that I celebrate on this day. My mother is number one. She had me less than a month after she was 18. This means when she was 17 she had to make some really, really tough choices. She knew what would be best for me and she began making sacrifices accordingly. Her love for me has never changed. No matter what happens our love remains strong. I rejoice in these things this time of year.

Second on the list to celebrate are my “Grandestmother”, my “Greatest Aunt Carol” and my precious Aunt Terri. They helped me and mom so much in those first years of my life. They also sacrificed a lot to give me a great life. I know these three ladies will always love me and help me whenever they can.I thank God for them.

I also rejoice in the fact that my dad adopted me when I was 2. One parent adoption is such a blessing in a person’s life. It creates a seamless structure to a family. I love my dad and I am very thankful that he choose to give me his love and his name.

My family is huge and I praise God for all the redemption that He has given us. I have met my biological dad and his wife when I was 20. I love them very much. Having them in my life has been wonderful. Meeting their daughter, my youngest sister was surreal because she is my only sibling that has ever looked like me. I love her.

My dad married a woman five years ago that has two daughters. I love having all of them in my family. My dad is happier than he has ever been. Watching them grow together is beautiful. Add that to the list of things to celebrate this holiday.


My mom has a husband that is perfect for her. Every year together their love for each other seems to grow stronger. He and I are also becoming closer. After 14 years of knowing each other we are finally learning how to communicate. That is certainly something to celebrate.

All together I have 6 siblings and one sister-in-law. We are almost all completely different. Our one common denominator is that we all try our “darnedest” to be the best we can be. We all work to be the best at whatever we do. That is something to celebrate in this day and age. One thing is for sure I cherish them all. Every one of them brings a unique element to my life. I love them for that.

I also thank God for my Ma and Pa. They have been together for almost 70 years. I think that celebration needs no further articulation. Plus, Pa always tells me how pretty I am and Ma always brags on the strawberry shortcake that I made for her.

Let's be honest here, when a person has a family structure like the one listed above and sings praises while describing it there is another celebration in order, Jesus Christ and his redeeming gifts. My life has had many, many trials but God always finds a way to bring glory to every situation. He makes all things new. It’s pretty simple. He changes things and He does what He says He will do. There is no greater feeling of love than that from the one that IS LOVE. He is worthy to be celebrated every day. I love Him. More importantly He loves me.

So maybe I won’t get flowers from a Cutie Patootie this year but that doesn’t mean I’m short on love. I think it is best articulated in one of my favorite movies, Love Actually: “If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around.”

It's Serious Thirty

About a year ago I was in a store. Over the sound system I heard a phrase that I mistook for "It's serious thirty". I thought the announcer was creating a play on words to acknowledge that it was time to get serious. I instantly fell in love with this phrase. I began using it all the time when composing and completing my agendas. I later discovered that the radio station that I was listening to was accessible on a satellite radio named Sirius. It was channel 30. However, Serious Thirty was locked in my brain for life.

Last night at church my pastor was speaking about a woman named Hannah in the Bible. He shared that she was really desperate to birth a child. She was so desperate that she was willing to give her child completely to God after he was born. She was serious. I began weeping. Luckily, I sit in the back of the church so I was able to ask a young woman who was headed to the rest room if she could bring back a tissue for me. As the tears were rolling down my face I began to mentally stack up the issues of desperation in my own life. By this time my pastor was clarifying the importance of Hannah's offspring. God needed Samuel to complete His plans. Samuel was not just a "show up for Sunday" follower of God. From birth Samuel's life was set aside for the purposes of God. He went on to do amazing things for God. These things not only changed the course of His life but the lives of every believer that has ever gleaned anything from his book. His book is located in the most Holy of all compositions, the Bible.

After church, I began to contemplate the common denominators in my life and Hannah's life. Desperation at the feet of God is the most significant on the list. Public humiliation ranked second. My next thought was the most important of all. Hannah did not back off of her pleading with God and her offspring(end result) was amazing. I imagine it was far more than she had planned for her infant. I really had not considered the possibility for my delays might be because I need a situation as specific as Samuel's birth. It was the right person, time, and place for God to do exactly what he wanted to do.
I have a situation in my life right now that I loathe. I want to run away from it and leave it to it's own demise. Well, that is not entirely true. Only the bitter and hurt part of my heart wants to do that. The other part wants to go to the throne of God and plead and plead and plead that my plans will be transformed until they are a perfect replica of God's blueprints for my life. Taking 2 Corinthians 10:5 into consideration I will take the thoughts of aborting the mission completely captive. And I will consider the inspiration of Hannah not backing down to fuel to keep my heart super charged.
It's time to get really serious about Matthew 6:10, "Your Kingdom come, YOUR WILL BE DONE". It's time to do what I have to do to sort out my plan, Satan's plans, and God's plans for my life. It's serious thirty.

The Pity Party Has Been Canceled For This Evening

An event took place in my day today that I hate. This situation has happened more than I would like to admit. One minute I'm fine, then as soon as the data enters my brain I am no longer fine and my heart begins beating twice as fast as the speed of sound. I hate it. Hate is a strong word but it is not strong enough. I wanted to cry. Correction, I did cry. The most pathetic of all noises came from my mouth. I can not describe this noise as a sound. I can only describe when I have heard it before. This noise can be heard when you demand that a three year old girl stop crying. If obedient, she will give full effort to silence herself. She will have little success and the product of her attempt will be a replica of my response.

It is my hearts desire to be walking on a path with God that I have never walked before. Today's event was like walking in on a trail only to see that I have made it to the same old tree that I have stopped at dozens of time. Then I began to remember the Isrealites. They walked in the desert for 40 years. I can tell you I don't want to be here 30 more years. I didn't know how to guide myself off of this path so I hit my knees and asked God to show me how to get off of the current trail and onto the path to the promised land. As I did this the same old thoughts were bringing their supplies for the grand pity parties that they are accousomed to hosting. Instead of welcoming them I began reflecting on the promises I made to God ten years ago. Ten years I would have had more hope in my Heavenly Father's plans for my life. I would have trusted that He knows what He is doing with me. God is not any less holy, honorable, kind, forgiving, or loving than He was ten years ago so today I refuse to respond to Him as anything less than the Highest regard.
I'm sure that the usual attendants of the Shala Peeples Pity Party were surprised at my reaction. Quite frankly, I was too but a lady's got to do what a lady's do.

Sometimes You Gotta Put Your Money Where Your Lipstick Belongs

When I was a little girl I used to get very angry at women who refused to go out in public without wearing make. I thought that concept was insane. I questioned, "Why would you let others have fun 'out there' while you stay in here hiding from the world?" I hoped I would never be one of those women.
For most of my life I stayed true to that mindset. It has only been in the past few years that make-up has become a part of my everyday life. Now, I love make-up. I must confess that the compliments and adoration I receive when I am all dolled up is the biggest reason I wear it. I love looking cute and I love people telling me I look cute. I love the response I get from cutie patooties. The only thing I love more in life than cuteness is God. I am in a stage in my life in which I am desperately trying to lift God above everything else in my life. I'm trying my hardest and my biggest opposition is proving to be me.
Last week I got an opportunity to "put [my] money where my mouth [was]". I was 20 minutes away from my church and I realized I had left my make-up at home. It takes me an hour and 15 minutes to get to my church in Shawnee so there is no turning back at that point. If you are a single Christian woman you already know the high level of panic happening here. If marital bliss has already caused you to forget past woes let me remind you. This is one time in my week that I might see cutie patooties that love the Lord.
My first thought is to stop and purchase all the beautification products I need. There was not even such much as a Walgreens to save me at this point. My second plan was not going to church but just going on to my mother's house. It was at this point that I remembered the promise I made to myself as a little girl. I could not have created a better way to show God and myself that I would keep that mindset. I walked right in that place like I was princess of the whole Kingdom of God. I felt like I had a chance to show God He was of most importance in my life. I actually couldn't stop smiling I was so proud of myself. And the inside, I knew God was smiling at my bare little face too.

Marco...

My life, in many areas, is sailing into unknown territory, which totally freaks me out. I like to know “what kind, which one, how many” (Shurley Method) to everything. So, I don’t care for uncharted waters. There has been one situation, a situation with God, that has occurred this week that I did not know how to handle. However, considering past experiences, I know one way “how not to handle it”. This time around I want to handle it in accordance with God’s plan for my life. I want His grace and presence to be “all over it”. So I implement the best plan I know, Marco Polo with God. I keep crying out to Him and I keep trying to find Him and I stop when I find Him. It’s not the kind of plan that authors write “step by step” books about but it is my best plan. Jeremiah 29:11 reads, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.(NIV)” Best I can tell that is a game of Holy Marco Polo. So I continue to cry out with all my heart until I find Him and His agenda. So… Marco!!!

Seeking a Fresh Start

It occurred to me that I have never written the meaning behind the title of my blog. A few months before I graduated I read a descripton on a friend’s Facebook that really got my attention. He referred to himself as a “born again Christian”. Even though I am in fact a “born again Christian” I never refer to myself as that. There is no explanation as to why I don’t but none the less I don’t. As I read those words something deep within me jerked my heart strings. I wanted to feel “born again”… again. I became a Christian when I was a child. I had one defining moment as a “tween” that verified my salvation for me. I also had a major life transformation in 2001. During that time God changed my life in a miraculous way. However, sometime between January 2006 and March 2010 my life became unrecognizable to me. I was so busy and exhausted from my graduate studies that I don’t really know when I stopped doing the things I loved and became the person who I stumbled upon in the mirror this Spring . Not to say that I am not pleased at the many positive changes that came with the maturity brought about by the hardships of that time but part of me was in hibernation and needed to be awakened.
As I read those words on Facebook I began to cry out to God. I knew I needed a fresh start in order to began to feel new in Christ, to really feel “born again”. I wanted to go through a period of time in which I would decide to what parts of my life I would keep and throw away from the last four and a half years. The journey has not been as easy as I had hoped but none the less I am still “trudging through the mud” and searching for the sheer joy of the Lord that I knew before. I just keep Jeremiah 29:13 as the banner on the front lines, “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”